The three week long Secret Admirer Campaign aimed at Jonathan Campbell finally came to an end with two different groups taking joint responsibility for the attack. The two groups, The Anti Hug Group and The Hug Whore Group, described the campaign as a protest against unwarranted hugs.
Anti Hug (pictured, right) described hugs as a direct threat to its core values and philosophy while Hug Whore (left) said that even though they had nothing against hugs, the negative connotations associated with the word ‘whore’ further diminished the member’s chances of ever finding a suitable marriage proposal. Both groups also confessed that the bigger motive was that “it seemed fun”. The two groups recently issued a disclaimer stating that the real intention of the campaign was “to bring a smile to our beloved John’s face”. They apologized for any inconvenience and any material found to be too vulgar or unbearably corny. “The intention of this project was not to cause any damage or injury, physical or otherwise during the course of the campaign”.
The campaign, which consisted of thematic secret love notes deposited daily in John’s mailbox, were an exhausting exercise in creativity, culture and reuse for the two producers of the Secret Admirer Campaign. “It was extremely difficult to create puns in languages other than English…we have yet to ascertain if that part of the campaign worked on him …”, said the duo.
When asked about what prompted them to end the campaign, the duo suddenly confessed that they had wanted to end the campaign after only three days of being launched, but after popular demand and protests from other groups such as the Economics of Bourbon group, they had no choice but to continue the campaign. The length of the campaign and the final ending was always a matter of debate. After the first protest from Economics of Bourbon group at Frankie’s, the duo decided to extend it until an upcoming Indian dinner. But the Indian dinner was postponed until after spring break and then the two started toying with the idea to extend the campaign to April 1st, John’s birthday. In the end, work pressure and guilt got the better of them. “The worst part about the campaign was when we had to lie to him…” cried the two in unison.
With the campaign at an end, the two are now thinking of using their new found skill sets for teaching ninja, espionage, and transmogrification to the ID community. Jon Campbell was unavailable for comment. Sources say he is miserable and heartbroken.